Sliding door moments

Sliding Door Moments

In this issue of RELATIONSHIP CALISTHENICS - How we build trust. An Elevator Door We often think of trust as associated with the big things – betrayal as a big terrible event – an affair – but most betrayals are more subtle than that – it can happen in one’s everyday interactions. Those simple day-to-day interactions, Dr. John Gottman, author of The Science of Trust, coined Sliding Door Moments. Think of an elevator door - it is a sliding door. Have you ever missed an elevator? How about just making one? That is how you want to think of a Sliding Door Moment. A moment of opportunity that you catch, it could easily be missed, but you catch it.  So Simple, Really Rafael, my spouse, and I have an agreement. Because I work with clients on Zoom, he does not walk into my office freely. Instead, he will peek his head in the door to see if I am engaged. It is rare that he even does that, but on this day he did. I was on Zoom, but not with a client. I was with one of my longest and dearest friends, Melodye, who I had also the privilege of being married to over 40 years ago. I was about to let him walk away but quickly changed my mind. Instead, I called out, “Rafael, come in, I am talking with Melodye, come to say hello.” He smiled and walked back in and said “hello.” He was delighted and so was she. A moment that could have been missed. Important A full moment, in fact, because as a result we made plans to fly to Florida where she lives with her spouse to visit only one week later. That was a Sliding Door Moment. Calling him back into the office acknowledged him as the important person he is. Having your important people feel important when they are with you increases trust.  I could have easily let Rafael walk back into the house and it would not have been a problem. But the instant I considered calling him back, that was the Sliding Door Moment. When you catch them, they build trust in your relationship. Those moments when you can give to your partner something above the usual every day - a particular kind of generosity that reminds them why they are with you. Please Share One of Yours Trusting in your relationship is more than trusting that your partner will or will not do something. You are trusting them with your heart and they are trusting you with theirs. How trustworthy are you? That’s what Sliding Door Moments are all about.  Share with me one of your Sliding Door Moments. You may very well find your story in Chapter Eight of my new book. Learn more about trust and the other Love Sparks when my new book is released at the end of 2020. Love Sparks: The Power of a Relationship on Fire. Love, Honor, and Respect, Thomas