The Stages Of Love - Stage 1
The Seven Stages of Love
There is one thing that we all have in common in this relationship road of life, and that is: all of us, every one of us, has a past. The intention of THE STAGES OF LOVE is to alter the relationship you have with your past. Specifically, the relationship you have with your past about “past” relationships. Those relationships that, for one reason or another, are “not” the relationship you are in now.
Consider for a moment that none of your relationships were failures. Every relationship—especially the intimate ones; the ones where you fall in love— creates an opportunity, a possibility to shift, to transform, and to expand. The shift giving expression to who you really are—your true “SELF.” We identify your True Self as Pure Life Energy.
Stages Of Love Training 1 / Video 1
Stage 1: “H.I.G.H.”
This is a very important stage, not only because it starts a romantic surge, but it’s also the stage where love seems to be the most potent. Love seems the most real in this stage because there is a bonding that's taking place.
The body releases OXYTOCIN and DOPAMINE in large doses, so I call this stage “H.I.G.H.” an acronym standing for: Highly Intoxicated, Giddy, and Happy. Stage One is pretty much all biology - all hormones. It’s a euphoric period filled with romance and intimacy most of the time.
Some of what you might notice during this stage is:
• You play up the similarities in the relationship with each other
• You play down any of the differences
• 80% of your thoughts in this stage are on the other person - missing them and desiring them
• Your inhibitions are lowered (later in the relationship you may even be embarrassed about the things you said or did as a result of those lowered inhibitions).
• You have more energy
• You need less sleep
We don’t relate to it as driven by biology. This euphoric experience feels like it’s going to last forever and it’s beautiful as long as you know you are H.I.G.H.
This is a period when making big decisions for the relationship makes no sense, like moving in together, getting married, making babies, and burning bridges with other people in your life. It’s not uncommon to cut other people out for a while, just don’t burn the bridges.
People in this stage tend to think that the relationship is the real deal, and in our culture, we call it “falling in love”. But it’s a very hormone-driven stage that can be deceiving. As long as you understand the characteristics of this stage you will notice your impulses as simply impulses. Then you can enjoy it for what it is.
One but Separate
Stage One is a kind of regression. It simulates the time when you were a baby bonding with your mother. Oxytocin is a bonding hormone released between Mother and baby – it is referred to as the cuddling hormone. That bonding makes you feel like one with everything.
Then as you develop and grow into a toddler, you start to experience yourself as separate. You now have boundaries and separateness, there is a “you” and a “them”.
The growing continues and now you have grown up and you have made it through puberty. There is this sense of loneliness that you want to fill. For some, it can be intense, while for others, your friends are enough – for a while. There does exist for almost everyone an anxiousness though, to experience ONENESS with somebody.
When you fall in love, Oxytocin gets released into your system again, and you begin to bond and develop trust with the object of your love. You regress to the experience of being united and one with everything, just as you did when you were a baby. Only this time you are conscious and have no memory of the first experience.
During this “in love” period, the body adds a dose of Dopamine creating rose-colored glasses and fire in the loins. It’s a beautiful experience that you crave. This regression, as an adult falling in love, is comforting, but you can’t stay there forever. The stage must be moved through if a nurturing and lasting relationship is to develop.
What to do
If you are conscious, this period can be one of massive growth. Using the benefit of the hormones to gain insight into what matters to you most. Then accessing your higher and wiser self to create habits that will serve you for the rest of your life. Habits that will also serve the couple should it make it through Stage Three.
Stage One is the perfect opportunity to create truthfulness and togetherness for the new couple. It is a good time to develop rituals with one another. Rituals make the relationship strong and determine how much of a couple you really can be.
How Long Will It Last?
Stage One will generally last anywhere between six months and three years the first time through. Stage One is blinding and biology is at play to encourage procreation. In fact, it is really what this stage is all about biologically. So, the stage can even go beyond the 3 years for younger and less experienced lovers.
Older, and more experienced lovers are not driven to procreate, so they will remain in Stage One for a lesser amount of time. Even though, with my spouse and I, we managed to keep Stage One in existence for almost four and a half years. In the first year, I had more Stage One qualities, while he picked up around the second year.
Whether it is your first relationship or not, every long term relationship will experience a version of stage one. And every long-term relationship will run in cycles and each cycle of the relationship will have Stage One. It can last anywhere between a couple of weeks to a couple of months, rarely will a long-time partnership extend this stage any longer than that.
There might be many reasons for this, and one that seems most apparent is simply responsibility. There is more to be responsible for when we are established and that doesn’t allow for being H.I.G.H. as long.
It is time to unlock the future of your relationship through the Seven Stages of Love.