Don’t let rejection define you and your relationship
Rejection is a part of life. And when it happens, you might feel sad, worthless, or even angry. But most of the time you’re able to bounce back pretty easily.
It’s one thing when people “out there” turn you away. But it’s so much worse when the one who says they love you shows no interest. When that person pushes you away, it hurts much deeper and can sting a lot longer.
Let’s say you are feeling good and a bit sexy so you decide to initiate a little lovin’ with your partner. They recoil and say they aren’t in the mood. Regardless of their reasons, even if you know they are valid it can still be uncomfortable to face.
It is absolutely normal for it to happen from time to time, but if it happens constantly, it’s gotta be addressed. You don’t want to take it personally, but it has an impact on your self-esteem and on the experience of your relationship.
When your partner— Avoids your attempt at intimacy Turns away when you try to kiss them Is reluctant to have a date night Goes to bed significantly before or after you do Falls asleep on the couch or in another room (often) Claims exhaustion when you’re finally alone—then there may be more at play
Over time, of course, these actions are damaging to the relationship. In order to protect yourself from further hurt, as the rejected partner you might become emotionally withdrawn and distant.
But it’s better to face your concerns head-on. It can be scary to talk to your partner about it. You or they might think you are being needy or petty. Or you might have already tried discussing it before, and now you feel reluctant to bring it up again. It isn’t going to get any better if you don’t talk about it. So, get into action.
Set aside some time to talk when you won’t be interrupted.
Once you are both fully engaged, present the facts as you see them.
We haven’t been intimate in X amount of time.
It seems like you don’t want to touch me or be close.
I feel undesirable and it is impacting my self-esteem.
Don’t be defensive or judgmental, instead be matter of fact.
Give your partner the benefit of the doubt, there may be reasons you just didn’t know.
Request a change and see what they have to offer.
Both parties need to accommodate for the relationship to flourish.
A conversation like this one can certainly bring about a promising change. The change may not be everything you want right now, but It can lead to other topics that could take your relationship to a new level.
However it turns out, getting to the source of what’s happening is the only way to feel more alive again. And remember, we are here to help. Mediating these kinds of conversations is some of what we do best. Let us know if you want some assistance.