top of page


One in ten Americans say that they feel lonely most of the time, and there are those that even say all of the time. Some of the reasons they give are an unhappy family, a limited or non-existing social life, or financial stress.

Loneliness is the feeling of being isolated or disengaged from other people. It can lower your immunity, and it can cause depression. It can even lead to premature death. People who are divorced or have never been coupled are twice as likely to feel lonely than those who are part of an intimate relationship.

Though being in a relationship can relieve feelings of loneliness, it is not uncommon to feel lonely in your relationship. In fact, it can be heart-wrenching to be in a long-term relationship and still feel lonely. Satisfying relationships have been found to be the most powerful prevention against loneliness, however, if the relationship is interpreted as unsatisfying then the feelings of loneliness are inevitable.

This experience in a relationship has severe and lasting effects on a person. In fact, feeling depressed and alone while in a relationship might trigger thoughts of physically hurting oneself. Why might you feel lonely in your relationship?

Here are two common reasons. The first is because there is something missing for either you or your partner. Kindness, acceptance, and loving touch are at the top of the list. When these simple components are missing you might start feeling bored. When we allow boredom into our partnership, one or both is sure to feel lonely.

If that happens in your relationship then one of you will have to be willing to step up for the couple and let go of any blame. Making it one or the other’s fault won’t get you anywhere. Creativity and openness is the answer. Bring back adventure!

The second reason is more intrinsic. You or your partner may be facing personal issues that are unrelated to the relationship. These could be awakened old childhood wounds that aren’t easy to talk about and that can cause a person to feel lonely. In this case, whether single or coupled, talk to someone. This someone should be trained to listen. A clergy person, therapist, counselor, or

coach are good choices.

You might realize there is something not quite right that you can’t put your finger on, whereas being able to talk freely and without constraint can help you uncover solutions.


bottom of page