• Understand the importance of forgiveness. Living in a state of being unable to forgive requires a lot of energy. You are constantly chewed up by fear of your vulnerability, burning with anger with the source of pain, and living with the constancy ofsadness, hurt, and blame. This energy deserves to be put to better use, so that your creativity and abilities are fed, not your negativity. Forgiveness also allows you to live in the present instead of the past, which means that you can move into the future with a renewed sense of purpose focused on change, improvement, and building on experience rather than being held back by past hurts.

    • Some people are afraid to forgive themselves because they fear losing their sense of self that has been built on the back of anger, resentment, and vulnerability. In this case, ask yourself if that angry, easily hurt and reactive person is the identity you’re keen to show the world and live with. Is the security of this mode of thinking worth the effort and harm it is causing you? It’s better to have a small time of insecurity as you find your way again than to continue a lifetime bogged down in anger.
    • See forgiveness in a positive light. If you’re bothered that forgiving suggests that you shouldn’t experience strong feelings such as resentment and anger, try viewing it as the chance to feel strong positive feelings, such as joy, generosity, and faith in yourself. Switching it to thinking about what you’ll gain rather than what you’ll lose has the benefit of keeping you positive while minimizing the negative emotions.