• my heart[title]The Seven Stages of Breathtaking Relationships[/title]

    There is one thing that we all have in common in this relationship road of life, and that is all of us, every one of us has a past. This includes for most of us, a past of relationships, intimate relationships. In our culture, those past relationships, that are “past”, not current, are regarded as failures. It doesn’t matter the circumstances, in our culture when there is a break-up it is regarded as, and related to as, a failure.

    The intention here, in THE STAGES OF LOVE, is to alter the relationship you have to your past. Specifically the relationship you have to your past about “past” relationships. Those that, for one reason or another are “not” the relationship you are in now. Consider for a moment that no relationship you have ever had is a failure.

    For some, this isn’t easy to try on. It isn’t easy to relate to it this way. You might see one of the relationship break ups “not” a failure, while others you will see “only” as failures.

    Consider this, there is a failure, the failure however, is not the relationship. If it’s not the relationship what might I be pointing to as the failure?

    Every relationship, especially the intimate ones, the ones where you fall in love, creates an opportunity, a possibility to shift, to transform and to expand who you really are, the true “SELF “. They each had something that served you, the right thing at the right time. It isn’t ours to understand or even know at the time, but simply “to be” and “to get” that that is so.

    The failure then, was the lack of awareness, or the where with-all, the distinction to use it (the opportunity) to its fullest capacity, to be a bigger, brighter, extraordinary you.  Better, simply because you walked down that path with another human being.

    Think back to past relationships you’ve been in, and look in your mind’s eye to see, what did you take away, or what did you “miss ” that would have served you or given you more of yourself, had you just had the where with all to be present?

    When we leave a break-up of some sort , if we are upset and leave mad we hang onto that tightly, and then we start to build strategies so as to never have to experience that again.

    If we look at the past without pretense we will see we missed an opportunity to be who we really could be. Authentic, straight communication, in most relationships is displaced by distancing, withholding communication, and pretending that everything is ok. While it may very well be ok, not practicing communication is a huge loss and has a huge impact on everyone involved. And, IN OUR CULTURE this is how we play relationship. It is a defensive game, a competition. To be authentic, real, inside a relationship, could look like, where can I not blame you, for me being the child over here, upset, like I was when I was 6 yrs. old.

    Why relationships?

    There are more single people now than ever in history. It is simply the culture; more couples live together longer and many never marry. They aren’t accounted for in our statistics. The statistics read as though relationships are less important than they once were while in fact this couldn’t be further from the truth. It is so important that we no longer want to risk the failure divorce can bring, splitting up as a couple unmarried is failure enough.

    So why then, why relationships?
    There is the obvious responses, companionship, intimacy and raising a family. But then consider the not so obvious answer, most probably overlooked by most, hidden in the background. It’s a set-up; a set-up by nature, and the set-up is a provision of the opportunity, the possibility, of altering ones’ self in relationship to his/her childhood.

    It’s not that the childhood was “good ” or “bad “, we all had a childhood, and there are aspects and characteristics of our personality that got developed as that child in that childhood. Some of those aspects you probably would hope is either gone or at least way behind you.

    These are aspects of our personality that clearly don’t serve us. So naturally as we move through a relationship, those old aspects start to show up and now they are a little brighter and louder and bigger than we remember them ‘ever’ being before.

    We are not going to be a very happy with the other person who seems to be reason all of this stuff showing up now.

    Adaptation and growth is the plan of nature. For adaptation and growth the relationship becomes the necessary friction to drive up all aspects of our personality, our childhood that should we heal, the true YOU, the biggest, brightest, most powerful you, the who we really are, that was suppressed over time through life, gets to show up. Who wouldn’t want that? We all want that but as well we all resist and avoid friction.

    So nature took care of that dichotomy. Consider that you and I are attracted to; we desire and want the most incompatible person on the planet for us. And once the attraction happens we don’t realize that he/she is the most incompatible person. Because by the time we are attracted, and infatuated when we have ” fallen in love ” it’s not obvious to us, in that moment, that our brains have drugged us. It drugged us to get us through the process. That brings about STAGE 1.

     

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