• The Rhythms Of The Heart


    There are 6 rhythms of the Heart:

    1. Acknowledgment : Everyone needs to be acknowledged and there are many ways to acknowledge people, but if it’s your rhythm it’s your lifeline to feeling loved and appreciated by your mate.  This includes  the smallest affirmation to public acknowledgements.  This rhythm wants to hear how special they are, what you love about them, how beautiful they are to you, acknowledge their intelligence, their wisdom.  (their hair, ears, eyes, smile, neck, chest, stomach all the way to their little toe) And if you think you’ve overdone it, think again, this rhythm cannot EVER be overplayed.

    2. Attention/listening to (Quality Time) :  Remember earlier when we discussed trust busters?  If this is your partner’s rhythm and you miss it, there will be trouble in paradise, especially the bedroom.    This rhythm requires being listened to and attention.  Not just any listening, but the way you listen.  Are you listening with JUST your ears so you can parrot back everything that got said or are you listening with your ears, with your body language, is who you are being interested in getting what’s being communicated.   If this is your heart rhythm you will likely know it immediately.  If you’ve ever complained “he/she doesn’t listen to me” or “Are you listening to me?” this might be the rhythm of your heart.

    3. Gifting : Flowers, cards, momentos, hidden notes in pockets.  Big presents, small ones, surprises, most anything as long as it’s his/hers ONLY.  This rhythm doesn’t want to share, he/she only feels really loved, really special when the thought was “just” for them.  If this is your partner’s rhythm it doesn’t need to expensive it only needs to be genuine and often…very often.

    4. Service : Wash his/her car.  Prepare breakfast in bed.  Do the yardwork, pay attention to what he/she likes to have handled and handle it for him/her.  Pick up her laundry, lay out his clothes.  Take extra care with his/her items, handle as though it were them.  This rhythm can occur demanding when the rhythm isn’t being met.  This is unfortunate because the very thing they want/need is so hard to give when there is a demand.  If you love someone with this rhythm overlook their demanding nature and SERVE SERVE SERVE, watch them melt like cotton candy.

    5. touch: This isn’t talking sexual touch (necessarily) but physical touch.  Petting, rubbing.  Fingers through the hair.  The more attentive and intentive the better.  This rhythm can be touched 24/7 and purr like a kitten.  You play this rhythm for your partner and sexual touch is likely available whenever you want it.

    6. Public Display.  If yours is Public Display you likely want a BIG ring on your finger, a big ceremony, gifts that force people to ask where you got them or what you did for them.  You likely hear others tell you how loved you are, how lucky you are.  This rhythm wants everyone to know how important they are to you, acknowledged but on a public scale.  Buy this one beautiful flowers (don’t slack) to arrive at the office or even at the restaurant where everyone can notice.  This one feels loved when others know they are loved.  If you’re cheap you will likely fail to keep this brain dance alive, but you made it through stage 3 so something is definitely possible here,  it will be you to adjust not the partner that has this rhythm, this is how love is played to their heart.

    Most everyone will relate to all rhythms, but ONE will stand out as the ONE that really makes your brain dance.  It’s the one you cannot live without.  If you aren’t sure right off, ask yourself the question “What do I most complain about not getting enough of?”  That will likely be the one.  What does your partner complain about  not getting enough of? That’s likely theirs.  And you can also go down the list and ask yourself, can I do without Acknowledgment, can I do without Attention, Can I do without Gifting, Can I do without Service, can I do without Touch (not sex but physical touching, rubbing, petting, can I live without Public Display.  Yours is the one you can’t do without.

    The good news is you don’t have to give any rhythms up, in fact you will want to practice them all in your relationships.  But if want a peaceful, fulfilling, satisfying and lasting love you better learn your partners number 1 and give it everything you got.  When times get rough it’s how much of the rhythm got played over the years that will help you to powerfully sustain.

    adapted from "the five love languages" by Gary Chapman
    The Five Love Languages

    The rhythm to the heart brings about the brain dance and the brain dance brings about intimacy.

    Intimacy means to be vulnerable. To feel neither superior, nor inferior. To be authentically present.