The couple naturally and automatically pulls for something other than what you are committed to. Now what do I mean pulls for something? Well, hard for me to explain pulling for, easy though for me to give you an analogy by which you will get what I mean.
So, everybody knows a garden, not everybody has a garden, not everybody’s interested in a garden, but everybody knows a garden. And if you have a garden, and you love that garden you tend to that garden and it’s obvious to people when they see the garden that it’s been tended to and when they see it’s been tended to they naturally know it’s loved, automatically. What does the garden pull for when its left unattended?
It pulls for weeds.
Weeds will take over the garden, weeds will dominate the garden until there is no garden. So the couple you could say is your garden, you create the couple, tend to the couple, and then when your not tending to the couple it pulls for WHAT? What are the “weeds”, if you will, for the couple? Resentment and regret. And when resentments and regrets take over the couple, then what you start to see are the following:
Failure (as a way of being)
Many come to me for coaching when they have gotten to this point because coaching interrupts the AUTOMATIC pull, once it’s come this far, there is a need for something outside yourselves to interrupt. The couple in and of it self cannot do it alone. But often what they come for and what they want to work on is trying to fix one or more of the symptoms. Not realizing that what the source of all these symptoms are is an “untended to couple” that has been overtaken by resentment and regret.
Think of the garden, there is a point at which time the weeds have taken over and the garden disappears and all you can do at that point is start over. And for a couple, sometimes, the resentment and regret has so taken over that you can’t see the possibility of starting over.
So I encourage you to look at yourselves authentically, to notice you have not tended to the couple and how long that may have been.
The automatic pull is for resentment and regret, you tend to the resentment and regret daily or at the very least weekly. It isn’t an easy task, it may even seem or feel foolish. But, if what you want is something extraordinary, then this is the access. PERIOD!
Its that kind of tending to that will leave you with NOTHING to deal with. And if your addiction is to problems, if your addiction is to always be dealing with something then that is the next personal breakthrough, it the next personal transformation that I recommend for you. Break the addiction, get addicted to your life working, get addicted to love being present, get addicted to power, freedom, peace of mind, satisfaction and fulfillment. Get addicted to that.