• Stage 2 - Distinguishing

  • By the time you get to stage 2, also referred to as “the coming down stage “, the dopamine and oxytocin are subsiding a little in our bodies and reality is showing up. In this stage you start to ask the questions:

    • Who are we?
    • Who are you?
    • Who am I?

    You are bonded and now you are beginning to see glimpses of the “SELF IMAGE” shadowed against the “PROJECTED IMAGE”. You experience oneness, but just as the baby had to distinguish itself from Mother it comes time to distinguish yourself from the OTHER.

    In order to distinguish the “we” in the equation, a new IMAGE begins to develop, an IMAGE of “WE”. And for that to get done fully there has to be a healing of me. In childhood we deal with stuff and we create personalities and characteristics to protect us. This creation doesn’t always work in human interactions and mostly backfires in “love” relationships. This especially shows up when you connect intimately with another person, one that you are choosing to love. In this new realm that arises in stage 2 we start to deal with that personality of ours, those characteristics we developed that get in the way.

    We all understand what I am pointing to here. These seem to be the stumbling blocks in a lot of relationships. In stage 1 we think things are going to be great forever, we forget that who we think we are in love with is an image we created in our own mind, a “fantasy dance” supported by the brain. Perhaps forgetting is inaccurate, it is more closely that we simply do not know.

    When reality sets in and we have to reconcile what we “thought” versus what is “so” it can be challenging. Who we are in relationship with is not “me”. They don’t see things our way, perhaps don’t agree with our perceptions. It brings up being right and defending ourselves.

    A relationship is the friction that gives one the opportunity to heal the bruises of the emotional body. Undistinguished this can come as a surprise and get the couple stuck in a positional stance, dug in to their view unable and unwilling to budge.