• Stage 1 - H.I.G.H.

  • This is a very important stage, not only because it starts a romantic surge but it’s also the stage where loves seems to be the most potent. It seems the most real, there is a bonding taking place. The brain releases OXYTOCIN and DOPAMINE in large doses so I call this stage “H.I.G.H.” as an acronym standing for: Highly Intoxicated Giddy and Happy. Stage 1 is pretty much all biology, all hormones. It’s a euphoric period filled with romance and intimacy.

    • You play up the similarities in the relationship with each other
    • You play down any of the differences
    • 80% of your thought in this stage is on the other person, missing them and desiring them
    • Your inhibitions are lowered (later on you may even be embarrassed about the things you said or did as a result of those lowered inhibitions).
    • You have more energy
    • You need less sleep

    This is a beautiful period and a period where making big decisions for the relationship make no sense, like moving into together, getting married, making babies, burning bridges with other people in your life. During this stage it’s not uncommon to cut other people out of your life for a while. It’s a very hormone driven stage and as long as it’s distinguished, you will have power. People in this stage tend to think this is the real deal and in our culture we call it “falling in love”. We don’t relate to it as driven by biology, and the euphoric experiences feel like it’s never going to end, it’s going to last forever. It’s a beautiful experience as long you know you are H.I.G.H. This stage is a “kind” of regression, meaning when we were babies bonding with our mothers oxytocin was released by our brains. Oxytocin is a bonding hormone, the cuddling hormone. When we were babies the experience is that “I am” all there is in fact there is no “I am”.

    There is no experience of me versus mother, me versus world, me versus others, there’s just me (and not even “me”) and everything that is happening. Everything is connected. Then the baby develops, he/she starts to experience itself as separate, there is mother and there is me, there are other things impacting me. There becomes this identity that has got boundaries and separateness. We continue growing up and there is this sense of loneliness and we want to fill that. We are anxious to experience the ONENESS again. And we fall in love; the oxytocin gets released in our systems (as it did when we were infants) and we begin to bond, we regress to the experience of being united and one with everything just as we did when we were babies.

    As well, during this period the brain adds a dose of dopamine, creating rose colored glasses and fire in the loins. It’s a beautiful experience that we crave. The regression as an adult falling in love is comforting, but you can’t stay there for a very long time, not if a nurturing and loving, lasting relationship is to develop. It must be moved through and it must be distinguished from. During this stage create truthfulness and togetherness.