Understanding What’s Important to You and developing core compentencies around whats important to you is key.
We all have a different idea of what it means to be satisfied and fulfilled..
Therefore Self-awareness is one common core compentency that will support all of us in achieving the outcomes we define, the goals that are important to us and the declarations we make..
The first core compentency is SELF AWARENESS.
What is self awareness? Self Awareness is having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. Self Awareness allows you to understand other people, how they perceive you, your attitude and your responses to them in the moment. This is an important point to make for our couples and for the important relationships in our lives.
We might quickly assume that we are self aware, but it is helpful to have a relative scale for awareness. If you have ever been in an auto accident you may have experienced everything happening in slow motion and noticing details of your thought process and the event. This is a state of heightened awareness. With practice we can learn to engage these types of heightened states and see new opportunities for interpretations in our thoughts, emotions, and conversations. Especially with our significant others.
Why Develop Self Awareness?
As you develop self awareness you are able to make changes in the thoughts and interpretations you make in your mind. Changing the interpretations in your mind allows you to change your emotions. Self awareness is one of the attributes of Emotional Intelligence and an important factor in achieving satisfaction and fulfillment.
Having self awareness allows you to see where your thoughts and emotions are taking you and taking your relationships. It also allows you to see the controls of your emotions, behavior, and personality so you can make changes you want. Until you are aware in the moment of the controls to your thoughts, emotions, words, and behavior, you will have difficulty making changes in the direction of your life and difficulty in making changes in your couple.
Now, lets move into where we might use this core compentency. Self awareness.
So many times we are hung up on somebody else’s ideal of what’s important, and we are unaware of what’s truly important to us – to me Tapping into what’s truly important to you makes you feel more alive.
If we spend our time and effort trying to meet somebody else’s ideal, then we find ourselves exhausted and unhappy. So many couples do this to each other. They lay their ideals on the partner in a way that isn’t for the couple, but an individual trying to get the other to fit the image they created of them. Realizing what is truly important to you is a major step towards creating what you will strive for and the striving for providing you with a satisfaction for being alive, an access to having our lives be an exciting game. A game that we play together. A game that includes your couples and important relationships.
Whoever has the most fun WINS!! And no matter what you take on, what you create as an outcome, there will be ups and downs in achieving them. As well, sometimes your efforts will not get you what you went for. But as a game, all these ups and downs are included. But, just like a championship athlete you play to WIN, you put all your efforts towards that which you are out to fulfill. Ultimately though, you play for the goal for who you get to become or you are get to be on the road to fulfilling it. Acheiving is the booby prize, who you get to be is the real prize.
Tony Robbins refers to this as Should(s) being those things that seem imposed on us versus Must(s) those things that we impose on ourselves when we take something on that really matters to us-
Notice I didn’t mention the word WANTS…
Some examples of MUSTS that all of us can relate to:
For some of you, you MUST pay your bills and therefore you earn enough to pay your bills.
For others, you must pay most of your bills and you therefore pay most of your bills most of the time.
Some others of you MUST make enough not only for yourself and your family but for someone else that care about or a cause that you believe in so you find a way and earn enough.
And then for some, you MUST have way more than what it takes for all that, you also want enough to do what you want when you want the way you want and you find a way to do that.
So what Robbins points to here that I think is brilliant: You must SHIFT your SHOULDS into MUSTS if fulfilling on them matters to you. Not a want, you understand, wanting gives you wanting. If you WANT but aren’t getting, then it isn’t yet a MUST for you;
When you consider the Pyramid of Mastery (the 7 areas) however that looks, however your pyramid looks, ie your physical body, your emotional body, your relationships, your time and productivity, your finances and your spiritual aspect-however it looks is a reflection of your MUSTS. The results of all of your MUSTS. Anything you tolerate or put up with over time in any of the 7 areas is a result that shows up in the pyramid of mastery for you, and as well impacts the quality of your life and your relationships.
So, the only way to TRULY impact or change any area of your life is to change your SHOULDS into MUSTS? It’s the ONLY way to do it. When it’s a MUST you find a way to do it and when it’s a should your brain doesn’t engage. Changing your Shoulds into musts raises your STANDARDS.
The three principles here:
1. Self awareness is a key core compentency to develop.
2.. Raise your standards (change shoulds into musts)
3. Change your limiting beliefs: We’ve all set up goals or outcomes and had an internal battle- the voice in the background of your mind saying stuff like there is no way or look at the past how you’ve done something like this before and the failures that may have gone with it.
That kind of thinking will have you stop the REAL ACTION, that is the actions that will fulfill on what youre after. We therefore must get SELF AWARE and stomp out the limiting beliefs. How? Alter how you talk to yourself. And create opportunities for small wins. Be around those that have already achieved what you are after, mirror their actions and ways of being. Defy your past. Don’t dwell on it or overcome it, defy it. Hire a coach to mirror you back to yourself.
You want more communication in your couple?
You want more understanding and love present?
You want more or better intimacy?
Get self aware, quit focusing so much on your partner or other people and get inside your own head.
Accesses to self awareness?
The bliss point exercise (available on my website under recorded calls)
Heart and brain connection coaching
Be on my free calls every month-go back and listen to the recorded calls.